- It is too personal a question. I know everyone gets excited about pregnancy (I mean, it does = BABY!), but for the woman, it is a very personal thing. (That baby is inside her body, after all.)
- In most cases, the woman will know before anyone else that she is pregnant. Usually the question will not be answered with "Whoa, wait, what!? I don't know, I hadn't thought about that! Maybe I am pregnant!"
- If she is pregnant, she will let you know when she is ready to. If she hasn't already told you, then she's not ready for you to know.
- From what I've seen/heard, usually the question is spurred by some random little symptom that a woman has mentioned: "I feel nauseous", "I'm craving _____" "I've been really tired lately." "I'm not sleeping well" etc. While all of these can be symptoms of pregnancy, they're also symptoms of all kinds of other things, and sometimes of nothing at all! Please stop jumping to conclusions.
- In our world today, most women are either purposely preventing pregnancy or actively trying to conceive. Those who are preventing it have their own reason for doing so, and those reasons are none of your business. And for those who are trying, they don't need the reminder that they are not yet pregnant. They are well aware of it, and the question may be not only rude but also hurtful.
- Can I just say again - it's too personal a question! Come on, people!
I've considered the question rude for a number of years now, but more recently it's become a bigger deal for me. You see, I'm one of the second women in point #5. I'm one of those women who wants a child more than anything, but has not yet been blessed with pregnancy.
Let me share with you some of the feelings this evokes, in hopes that it will help you better understand and respond to others you may know going through the same thing. (Or, if you are going through the same thing, to just know you're not alone)
Hearing about friends' (or even strangers') pregnancies is heart-wrenching. Yes, I am excited for them... but in an incredibly bittersweet way. Depending on the circumstances, it's not uncommon for me to feel like it's unfair.
Children have always been my passion, and still are -holding babies and interacting with small children is what I thrive off of... but then I frequently go home and cry, because I have to "give them back", and all I want is my own.
People talk about how you can never know what parental love feels like until you have your own child. I want to feel that love more than anything. Sometimes it feels like my heart is aching to know that love.
All the symptoms of pregnancy that people complain about? I would gladly feel them all, simply because it would mean that my child was growing inside of me. The same goes for the inconveniences of raising children. At least having those inconveniences would mean I had children.
I dream about the day that I will be able to simply announce my pregnancy.
Anger, frustration, and hopelessness come in waves. But the sadness is there all the time.
I want to hear encouraging words from others, but at the same time, I don't really want to. I usually feel like no one understands, unless they themselves are currently going through the same thing. If you have any of your own children, words from you won't mean much of anything to me, and my reaction will be one of "you have no idea." All you can really do is pray for me.
I decided long ago that I was going to trust God with the size of our family. I am now learning that that has to apply not only to how many children we may have, but also to how few children we may have.
I've always believed that conception/birth was a miracle - completely out of our (as humans) hands. Whether preventing or trying, God is still in control. God has been reminding me of that. No matter what happens, whether we have several children, a couple of children, or none at all, it is in His hands, and He knows what's best. That doesn't mean this is easy, by any stretch of the matter. It is incredibly hard sometimes. I cry out to God in tears quite often about it.
I am learning, slowly, that no matter what happens, to still praise him.
Asking for prayer,
-MNM
Side Note: I also think the question "so when are you going to have kids?" is rude, for most of the same reasons as the previous question, but specifically #5.
