When Your Job Is Worth More Than Just The Paycheck

    Know what makes the infertility journey easier?  Staying busy with other things that make  you happy!

    For me recently, that has been my job.

    A year and a half ago I mentioned in this post that I had come to the realization that it was time for me to move on, instead of just staying in the "waiting to be a mother" state.  For me, at that time, that meant being willing to consider taking a full time job.  Said job did not pan out, and I ended up working at a summer camp that I worked at a few years as a teenager.  I enjoy that job, and worked a lot of hours, so it helped pay bills, but I did not feel like I was "moving on" at all.   After day camp ended, I had 2 weeks of adjusting back to essentially having nothing to do, besides household stuff.  (And since there are only 2 of us, there's not a lot of that to do.  You can only clean the house and do laundry so many times.)  During those two weeks I had a lot more "valley" days.  Days where I just simply had too much time to think, to dwell on my circumstances - in other words, I was having a pity party.  I was reminded again that it was time to move on.

    At the beginning of August 2014, I put in an application for a part time position at the learning center where my husband works.  3 days later I had an interview/job offer  and 3 days after that I started working.

    This is the first "real" job - the first time I've had to dress professionally, the first job that I've felt like a grown-up, and the highest paying job - I've ever had.  Before now, everything else has been babysitting or camp style jobs, which are perfectly fine (and fun!) in their own way.  But when the job dress code is "wear our t-shirt", it doesn't scream "career opportunity", heh.   But this job could potentially be just that.  If I wanted to pursue it, this job could lead to career opportunities.  And that still blows my mind a little bit, because I never saw myself as having a career.

    There are many things that I love about this job - the purpose of the whole company, the kids I work with, my co-workers, the atmosphere.  And I could expound on why I love each of those aspects of the job.  But what has stood out to me the most is the general feeling I get working there.

    For a long time I've felt like I'm in this really uncomfortable place of not sure whether I am a kid or an adult. I'm not saying that other people treat me this way - it's my own mindset. I often feel inferior to those who are older than me, or better educated, or...  fill in the blank.  Come to think of it, it's something I've dealt with me whole life - feeling inferior.  It's not necessarily a lack of self confidence,  and in some ways it may be a form of pride.
But I digress.
At this new job I feel like I'm part of the team.  I am treated as an equal.

    Last year I worked part time as a special ed assistant.  I learned so much, and loved what I was doing.  But when I found out that the company was planning on providing child care for employee's babies/toddlers, I realized that was something I wanted to do even more.  While I love working with children of all ages, babies/toddlers is where my passion really lies. After mentioning to a couple of co-workers several times that I would love to work in that position, I finally decided to talk to my boss about it.  She gave me the ok,  and here I am! I spent all summer excited about getting to  take care of babies all year.

    So, now, while my place of employment is the same, there have been several changes - not only did my position change, but I am also working full time now, instead of part time.  There has been (and still is) a lot of adjusting.  But  I love being the "school/nursery mom".  I appreciate the relationships I am forming with the mothers. I knew them before as coworkers, but it's different now.  We have a different kind of connection.

    And the babies themselves - they are my joy.  I love them to pieces.  I consider myself lucky to get to spend all day with them.  They are good for my soul.  And even on bad days, their smiles and giggles make me smile. Not everyone understands exactly how deep my passion for young children lies, and I can't really even explain it. Everyone loves babies.  But I love caring for babies.

    These days not only do I not have time to dwell on my infertility, or have a pity party, but I also get a healing dose of my loves every day :)

-MNM

    PS. I've been sitting on the draft of this post for a year now.  Obviously there have been a lot of edits to make it current, but the overall feeling is still the same!