The holidays can be a really rough time emotionally for those going through infertility. And I'd imagine that most infertility bloggers will be posting about how hard it is, or how to cope.
But who am I kidding - every day can be really rough emotionally. It's not only the holidays that can trigger a moment of heartbreak. I can be just fine for weeks at a time, including through the majority of the holidays, but then something random will bring me to tears.
The holidays seem to bring with them a sense of "well, I hoped last Christmas would be my last without a child"... but I honestly feel that way about pretty much all holidays, mine and my husband's birthdays, and our anniversary. I tend to think "If I got pregnant right now, I'd be a mom by my next birthday", but also on the flip side - "because I'm not pregnant yet, I know that we won't have a child by our 5th anniversary."
I was reminded over the weekend how hard this time of year is for lots of people - especially those who have lost someone dear to them, and this is the first Christmas that they have to spend seemingly alone. You see, nothing has really changed for me. In fact, it's change that I long for. I don't want next Christmas to be the same as this Christmas, because I want there to be an additional small family member to celebrate with next year. But for those who have lost someone this year, everything is different for them, and they just wish it was all the way it's always been. I look forward to starting new traditions. They want to be able to continue all the old traditions, but they're just not the same, or they choose not to do them at all. I want to make new memories. Memories are all that they have.
I guess what I'm saying is that while this journey is hard all the time, I get through it. The holidays will be hard too, but I'll make the most of them, just like I always do. I dare to say that I will even enjoy them! And I will count myself blessed that Christmas will be the same as always for me this year.
-MNM
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