Apparently it was 5 years ago today that I started my first blog. I would link to my very first post, but the site I was using is no longer in existence, so I can't. Sorry! My first blog was not about infertility at all. (When I started it, I was only beginning to expect that having children would be more difficult than I expected.) It didn't really have a theme - I just wrote about whatever. I remember sharing a couple of recipes, and just sharing my thoughts. I'm sure if I went back and read the posts today (which I do have saved somewhere), I would cringe, but they did get me started in the world of blogging, and I have no regrets.
I'd been thinking that I needed to write a new post, after my New Year's post, since that one was such a downer. And I figure my 5 year blogging anniversary is as good a time as any.
If you read my New Year's post, you know I talked about how the end of one year/beginning of another is always a hard time for me, just because it's a distinct marking of time passing. So yeah, it's always a hard time.
But then I generally go into a hopeful time. At least, this year I did. For the past week or so I've had an overall sense of peace and hopefulness. I've been reassured that God has a plan. And not just a general plan for the world, He has a plan for me, specifically. I've been able to rest in that promise. And while the longing to have a baby hasn't decreased any, it's now more of an excited longing, instead of a depressed longing. A looking forward to the day I get to be a mom, instead of "woe is me" that I'm not a mom yet.
My emotions and mindset can change drastically day to day (though it's generally not that often, thankfully!), which can be exhausting and confusing (probably mostly confusing to those around me!), but it's better than staying in a state of depression all the time!
-MNM
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